


A Lifetime In Seasons

by silasfinch



Series: Seasons [3]
Category: Portrait de la jeune fille en feu | Portrait of a Lady on Fire (2019)
Genre: Children, F/F, Falling In Love, Gen, Music, Period-Typical Homophobia, References to Ancient Greek Religion & Lore, Reunions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-06-14
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:01:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24713512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silasfinch/pseuds/silasfinch
Summary: Marianne manages to connect with Heloise and her son in many ways through the years
Relationships: Héloïse/Marianne (Portrait of a Lady on Fire)
Series: Seasons [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1727440
Comments: 8
Kudos: 45





	A Lifetime In Seasons

**Author's Note:**

  * For [poco_piano](https://archiveofourown.org/users/poco_piano/gifts), [silver_greystorms](https://archiveofourown.org/users/silver_greystorms/gifts), [AnnNette](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnNette/gifts).



_Mine eye hath play'd the painter and hath stell'd_

_Thy beauty's form in table of my heart;_

_My body is the frame wherein 'tis held,_

_And perspective it is the painter's art._

_For through the painter must you see his skill,_

_To find where your true image pictured lies;_

_Which in my bosom's shop is hanging still,_

_That hath his windows glazed with thine eyes._

_Now see what good turns eyes for eyes have done:_

_Mine eyes have drawn thy shape, and thine for me_

_Are windows to my breast, where-through the sun_

_Delights to peep, to gaze therein on thee;_

_Yet eyes this cunning want to grace their art;_

_They draw but what they see, know not the heart._

_William Shakespeare -_ Sonnet XXIV

Working as an artist (of moderate fame and reputation) allows Marianne to hide. 

In the truest sense of the word often hides behind the ease and safety of her father's name. In their city and the surrounding area, Marianne is well known (which is not the same thing as accepted) as the heir to his studio and business. Their neighbour's reactions range from pity for his misfortunate at the loss of male heirs to suspicion at their mutual eccentricities. The consensus is Marianne is far too strange to warrant serious marriage prospects so she may as well be responsible for the legacy. 

Now that his health and energy are failing Marianne and a few other trusted apprentices are painting feverishly under his name. There will be no studio to inherit if they do not keep up with demand this marriage season and fill the commissions of, particularly wealthy patrons. Her father does not carry enough reputation or respect that they can rest on his past works alone. There is an increasing emergency in trade wealth in France and her nearest boarders that means ambitious merchants and businessmen are looking to marry into titles. The nobility in question may seek to keep the blood pure, but few can afford to turn away the investments. 

In another way, being a working artist and heir presumptive to a business makes Marianne free in the ways that Heloise laments throughout their acquittance. As long as she maintains a certain discreteness and doesn't flaunt aspects painting men in various state of undress, then there are few questions about her personal affairs. Marianne is one of a growing number of working spinsters. She finds sanctuary with a circle of friends who include wealthy men who are too rich for society and large to shun completely. They support her love for Heloise and the pinning for Malin even though there is a certain amount of gentle teasing for the hopeless cause. Marianne flirts with the occasional woman and shares a few touches, but her heart remains true. 

"You are different since got back from a season in Milan; I wasn't aware you had such an affection for that city?" 

Marianne smiles softly at the questions from Arabella, even though she wouldn't tolerate such interest from many other people. The younger woman shares both the dedication to art an appreciation for the hard work that the profession requires. Marianne harbours private hope that her favourite student will be willing to take apprentices one day and she couldn't think of anybody more worthy of painting under her name. The intimacy between them never crosses that particular invisible line, but Marianne willing accepts her concern and fusing.

"I have an old friend who lives there with her husband and son, renewing such a long friendship lightens my spirit." Marianne confides entirely truthfully. 

"Is she the subject of your earliest paintings, the woman with the blond hair? The collection in the attic?" Arabella presses knowingly without looking up from the brushes she is cleaning. 

Arabella is the eldest (and doted on) daughter from a wealthy family in the north. Art was her talent as well as her true passion; therefore, she became Marianne's student at a relatively young age. Throughout their years of working together as the school begins to grow, Arabella demonstrates no particular interest in her teacher's personal affairs. Idle curiosity is inevitable, but a lifetime of elocution lessons are in effect.

"Yes, Heloise is my oldest and dearest friend. She lives with her family in Milan." Marianne explains with careful neutrality. 

"Will you paint for her family again? I will encourage every opportunity if this is the outcome." Arabella continues as she starts mixing a fresh batch of varnish. 

"Am I so repulsive to work for, Miss. Ollivier?" Marianne teases in turn. 

"You know I think the world of you and that any future marriage will need to gain your seal of approval as much as my father. I simply worry about the fits of melancholy that you seek to hide behind clever comebacks and vast historical references. You deserve happiness, even if that feeling doesn't take the path familiar to most." 

The words are comforting, but Marianne knows from long experience that you need to be careful about you trust too deeply, particularly when it comes to matters that so challenge the Churches teaching, and the core believes of family life. Sometimes the most loyalty that Arabella or any one of her students can demonstrate through silence and not asking particularly questions rather than uncomfortable overt displays. The fewer people that knew anything for certain meant that there were fewer people who could report her if it becomes a legal matter. 

***

**Five Seasons: A Season of Happiness**

Marianne delights in returning to Milan for her lover's anniversary. 

Sadly there are many people in her friendship circle with tragic stories to tell, husbands who willingly take other (younger men) to bed but refuse to acknowledge them in the street or public settings. People of both genders in impossibly unhappy marriages because they cannot satisfy each other. A few people are needlessly cruel in flaunting their lovers in front of spouses. Marriage somehow becomes the confidant for them all, having little interest in pursuing such affairs herself. Her life as a working artist gives her a different perspective to many people that she counts as friends. 

Heloise wants to throw a celebration for the occasion for friends and family Stefan reaching this moment is a testament to both the success of conventional marriage and her skills as a caretaker. It's inconvenient timing for Marianne with a new intake of students and demanding patrons, but she wouldn't miss this event for any duty. Arabella is willing to keep her confidence and is to take over the urgent business. 

"Aunt Marianne, you came, did you bring me sweets from Paris?" 

Marianne laughs as she intercepts Marco running towards her. Every season he grows a little more, and his features resemble his father more strongly. Now he is just shy of his tenth season and looks wonderful in his former outfit that is a miniature of those worn by his male relatives. He speaks French with a distinctive Italian accent, but he says _her_ name in the same way Heloise does with almost as much warmth. He will not hold such an uncomplicated opinion of him forever, but she will treasure these times. 

"Surprising as it may seem, Grandson. I do not believe everybody is here to shower you with lavish attention and sugar." 

The Countess keeps her voice neutral as she strides down the corridor, but the glare she levels at Marianne is as intimidating as ever. Her clothing and hair are different to reflect a more Italian style; even the accent has more lilts. However, there is no mistaking the woman who held her family together but the sheer force of will. Marianne will never forgive the pain of Heloise having to choose the marriage against her desires and will, but the injury lessens with time. Now they have a lasting connecting that is stronger than any life as young women running away trying to live on love alone. 

***

**Ten Seasons: A Season of Grief**

Stefano's funeral is equally a sad and joyous occasion. 

Marianne feels fortunate that she is already in the city when his heart finally gives out. Heloise sheds genuine tears when she finds his body cold and his body free of the painful contractors. For once in their fraught association Marianne and The Countess work in perfect harmony. They split the task of making the arrangements and keep both mother and son from falling too deeply in despair. Heloise originally summons her to the house for fear Marco will have no memories of his father. Stefano living far longer than any predicts means his memories and true, but so is the pain. 

In due time, Stefono's relatives decent on the house with an air of finality the news causing genuine grief but not shock. His brothers and uncles run the operations in all but name now. Marco's education is more intensive at an earlier age, simply because everyone around him understands reality. There is little need to get the lawmen involved because Stefano wrote the details long before becoming ill. 

"Can you help us with the dress?" 

The flat tone in Heloise's voice clenches at Marianne's heart, but she follows the request without question. Her fingers linger own pale shoulders, but there is no lessening in the tension she finds there. Heloise is right there in the room, but it feels like her mind and soul are leaving her body in a similar way to her husband. Marianne never losses faith in her ability to comfort this woman, but it is a close thing in times like these.

A man of Stefano's standing in the community will receive a full mass with local representatives from the council and trading families. The service will be lengthy and traditional with Marianne only understanding every second word. She will sit in the back and away from the family, careful not to draw attention to herself. The Countess will watch her intently to make sure she doesn't disgrace their name. 

"Stefano is free from his pain and suffering. If he could have made the decision where to stay after the accident, he wouldn't and couldn't have chosen a more restful and secure solace than with you and Marco." Marianne whispers her voice thick with tears. 

"We are not creatures within the divine plays or mythologies, Marianne. Nobody we seek the extend our punishment or absolution until the final judgement day. Stefano chose me from that illusion that you so carefully painted, I was no better or worse than that pretence, my major comfort is that we were _both_ liers in the end and played our roles accordingly. 

"I am here for whatever you need." 

***

**Twelve Seasons: In Sicknesses**

The Countess summons her back to Italy ahead of schedule. 

It is difficult to tell if Heloise's mother is truly ignorant of the nature of their relationship or simply is doing a creditable job of pretending. Now that her remaining daughter is safely married with a healthy son, the distinction matters little. She welcomes Marianne with polite neutrality, and willing recommend her to friends and distant relations if there are any disagreements Heloise and The Countess keep them for the winter months. Marianne is genuinely surprised to see the woman's distinct handwriting from the urgent messenger. Sophie is the only other person to write from that household, and she has little patience for the task unless it involves the birth of another child. The contents of the letter bring ice to her veins. 

The words are constant refrain in Marianne's head for each of the many miles between France and Italy. Despite paying a small fortune for the fastest transport available, it does feel fast enough. The Countess does not give away any relevant details, but there aren't many circumstances that would convince the older woman to bridge their silence voluntarily. The first line saying that Heloise is ill and needs her is more than enough. 

Heloise remains healthy throughout both the summers and the winters of their long acquittance, but now she is in bed with a bad chest and high fever. Sophie no longer works for the family, but she still comes to tend her former mistresses, perhaps knowing there is a chance she will reveal something ill-advised in her state of delirium. 

"Thank you for making the journey in such haste Marianne, be prepared that Heloise is fading fast." The Countess warns as she glides down the corridor. 

Marianne tries to keep her insides from roiling too much like the familiar stench of sickness and healing herbs hit in full force. Her childhood divides itself into chapters of different births, sickly children and her mother suffering a little more with each failure. Marianne hopes that this family uses their far superior wealth to get Marco as far away from this house as possible. 

"I will nurse Heloise through this ailment and relieve poor Sophie. Her children must need her still." Marianne vows trying not to skip to keep stride with the older woman. 

All the warning in the world cannot prepare Marianne for the reality of seeing her beloved wracked with fever and pain. Fortunately in their long relationship sickness or physical aliment is does not feature often. The room is dark and gloomy, but the unnatural hue of Heloise's cheeks still stands out, even as Sophie faithfully applies a cooling cloth. Headless of dignity and the other servants in the house Marianne rushes to the bedside and grasps Heloise hand, trying not to wince at the heat and sweat. Heloise's eyes are moving wildly, around the room as if she following the progress of ghosts. 

"Heloise...can you hear me?" 

"Have you come to escort me to the afterlife?" the question is asked through cracked lips that bleed at the corners. 

***

**Fourteen Seasons: A Season of Changes**

Marco is hiding away from the world, and Marianne has no wish to disturb him, but he cannot escape the social occasion forever. 

Marco is at the awkward age of four and ten when he is considered a young man in some respects but not others. His mind and body are trying to figure out this balance while his mother, grandmother and uncles carefully plan the future. There is no doubt that Marco has a talent for the merchant trade and will only grow in the business, but he also has his mother's solitary nature and love of quite parties where music is the main attraction. Heloise's engages in an active widowhood all in the name of securing her son's future and husband's legacy. There are investors to woo at lunch and society ladies to fawn over at dinner parties. None of this comes naturally to Heloise's, but she does everything possible to keep her son and household safe. 

" _Do not consider me a saint, Darling. The more secure and respectable my position is here, the less likely anyone is to question your presence in our lives. I doubt many people believe me capable of an impure thought much less a lover. The young novice, caretaker wife and young widow."_

_"_ I am sure your talents find a greater audience in the main drawing room, Marco," Marianne calls out careful not to disrupt his absent tinkering. 

Marco doesn't bother to look up from his sheet music. His posture is perfectly correct, and his hands are moving with fluid grace without needing a visual reference. Heloise did not want her son to experience the same restrictions in his music expressions as she did as a young girl with the Benedictine Nuns. Fortunately, Marco is a willing and talented student and does not resent the practice, especially after his father's death. 

"I do not think it is my music talent that they seek to appreciate, Aunt Marianne. The ability of a fair to middling musician losers its appeal once the person in question nears majority. No, Grandmother wishes for me to take on the role of master of the house in every way, including witty remarks and political satire. My French sensibilities and studious nature are a disappointment to her in that way I think." Marco disagrees with a self-conscious shrug. 

"You are in an advantageous position, Marco even if the burden grows heavier now. Heloise will allow you as much freedom as she can when it comes to dictating your life events if you do not wish to marry that girl with a distaste for France than you don't have to, of course. Speaking French to her at every opportunity might not be the most prudent course of action in terms of trade ties." Marianne suggests diplomatically. 

"I will inherit this business one day soon, and I will not make an enemy of half my familial relationships, distant as they are. Neither blind nor divided loyalties did our royal houses any favours." Marco insists with a familiar stubborn set to his jaw. 

The fierce merchant in training also sounds like a boy who loves his Maman. 

***

**Season Twenty: A Season of Renewal**

"You make a lovely pair."

Marianne observes as she begins the initial sketches for Marco's engagement with his future wife, Lucina. To her practised eye, the couple in question are genuinely happy in that indefinable way that means the union will likely last. Marco gains something of a reputation for stubbornness when rejecting many promising suiters and more importantly, their father's doweries. In the end, he chooses to court one of his childhood friends who was jilted by a man who ran off with an American actress. The ensuing scandal was great, and Marco wouldn't see his former playmate's life in ruins, the fact that his beloved Maman has Lucina's respect rather than scorn is the deciding factor. His uncles were hoping to match him with a textile heiress from the capital, but they are willing to compromise given Lucina's wealth and the respect for her father. 

"Thank you, Aunt Marianne. Marco has done a wonderful thing for me." Lucinda whispers barely meeting her eyes. 

Marianne knows that the young woman is still dealing with the fall out from her broken engagement and her former betrothed making a mockery of the previous arrangement of both their families. Marianne sincerely hopes that Lucinda doesn't feel this sense of gratitude for their entire marriage. It wouldn't be healthy for there to be such an imbalance even with somebody as inherently good as Marco. 

"Enough of that. I consider myself a fortunate one. George is a poor excuse for a man who will live to regret the day he scorns you so, or if he dares to set foot on these shores." Marco insists with a gleaming intent 

"A duel at 50 paces is romantic my son but a risk that is not worth taking. Lucinda's father is setting fire to every single business venture, and your aunts are doing the same with her social circle." Heloise advises from the door. 

In after some many years, it still takes an effort for Marianne to control her reaction when Heloise enters the room. Part of her will always is that girl willing to steal moments and hide behind the excuse of the canvas. During those long-ago whispered conversations about which memories they would remember, Marianne overlooked one crucial point. There are emotion, passion and love, even with the simplest undertaking. Oddly some her greatest joy comes from witnessing Heloise interacting with her family and son. During their time together, Heloise was so afraid of marriage, and the consequences for her to find happiness is a great and profound thing. 

"I see you are still struggling with the effort to get the perfect shade of green to reflect the family eyes; your suppliers must be in despair." 

Heloise stands behind Marianne watching the creation. The feeling of her proximity does nothing for the artist concentration. Indeed her palette has many shades on the green in play. 

"Worth the effort." 

***

"Isn't he wonderful?" 

Marianne would never say anything out loud, but she struggles to see any distinguishing features, even in the face of her beloved's first grandchild. Perhaps it is because she never felt the desire for children fo her own or that her life is so far from the circles of births and marriages. The aspect that stands out to Marianne above all else is that young Stefano looks he looks _unremarkable_ and of a decent weight. There is none of that ghostly paleness or unnatural high colour that blight so many children and mothers. The memories of her childhood are fading every season, but nothing will erase the strange colouring that marks the features of her youngest brother as he struggles for breath. 

"Of course, I was so glad he and Lucina are safe. Was the birthing process too taxing for her? Sophie did not say in her letter."

"Lucy is a practical sort and fortunately understands the value of being cautious in the final months, she did not overtax herself, nor did she stay in bed for the whole nine months. A happy balance in the middle and a far more natural mother than I can ever claim to be, even if Marco forgives of my mistakes." Heloise comments without looking up from her sleeping grandchild. 

"You know it displeases me when you refer to yourself in such terms, Marco could not have asked for a better mother to guide him into adulthood. 

"For all the romanticism of the Greek poet that you possess, there are truths that you cannot deny. I have a tolerable relationship with my adopted city and the love and respect of my son and his new family. None of this good fortune steams from my natural charm and good graces. Each incarnation of my life becomes successively easier to bare from convent student to wife and now grandmother." Heloise muses out loud. 

Marianne is careful to glance at the door to see that the family and the nursemaid are not in attendance before moving over to pull her taller companion into a loose embrace. She plays a gentle kiss against Heloise's shoulder as they both looking down at the baby in question. 

"The only thing that ever comes easily through my life are feelings for you and the desire to spend time together," Heloise whispers as she leans back into the embrace. 

"I love you, Heloise. Your grandson is as wonderful as you are." Marianne insists reaching out to tug the blanket more securely. 

"You have a new generation to paint; maybe he will help you find your perfect green." 

***

"Wouldn't Milaise Society faint in shock at such behaviour from a new grandmother?" Heloise asks she gasps into Marianne's touch. 

This observation is the type of comment that Marianne would love pick apart usually while referring to the Countesses's network of willing and unwilling spies. However, at that precise moment, she is far too busy with much more pleasurable pursuits. They have precious little time to be alone since the birth of the newest family member. The wider household plays host to relatives on both sides, wanting to see the baby and do business deals at the same time. Heloise's plays host to them all and becomes a confidante for the new parents who are taking a usually active role in things. Marianne waits in the shadows with increasingly less patience. 

Marianne is staying one of the small houses that belong to the Countess's family. The family matriarch makes the suggest many years ago to prevent any breath of scandal being closer to her son in law's household. Afterall nobody pays much attention to the letting of minor houses of little commercial value, and equally few would question a widow visiting one of her oldest friends. Friends and relatives are actively engaging Heloise to take to leave the house now that the 'messy' parts are beginning. Marianne cannot fault the result, but she finds it curious how disconnected many high societies are from the business of children. Even though her mother and father were poor on time, they could at least name all their children and their favourite activities with a fair degree of accuracy. 

"You are far more than a grandmother to me, just like you were more than the sad girl with a fondness for walking the cliff tops." Marianne whispers between kisses that gradually reach lower on her body. 

"How has your conviction never wavered after so many years and plenty of temptation in the form of impressionable young artists or willing subjects?" there is more wander in the question than doubt. 

"I have my father's temperament, he lost his heart to one woman and didn't bother to reclaim it when times were lean or bleak. Now hush, and let me concentrate." Marianne instructs firmly. 

Heloise follows instructions in between sighs of pleasure and desire. They have a small measure of privacy here, but only a fool becomes complacent with such things, all their sacrifices and separations could be for nothing in an unguarded moment. Marianne is an artist, but she makes a successful living precisely because she maintains an air of respectable and has flawless manners and conversational skills. With every passing year each parting becomes more sorrowful and the reunion less certain. Having occasions like the birth of Marco's children are few and far between, especially now that the border is in some dispute,

"Stop that," Heloise whispers shying away from the fingers on her face. 

Characteristically Marianne rejects the instruction and continues tracing the new lines and blemishes on her lover's face. The widow's brush with influenza leaves marks that anyone can see let alone somebody with such a fine eye for detail. Heloise protests more out of reflex than genuine desire. Marianne's unique perspective on both ageing women and Heloise's advancing years are as constant as the seasons. Heloise is too frugal by nature to import the ridiculously expensive powders for concealment, not when the roof replacing. Besides, Marianne is one of the few people left alive that feels any need to impress. 

"Do you not think Hades would spend countless hours memorising the features of Persphone when returns to him?" Marianne whispers against her ear. 

"I have neither the advantage of immortal blood or endless cycles to enjoy our time together." Heloise manoeuvres herself so that she can kiss Marianne fully. 

Marianne doesn't put up much resistance and instead frames Heloise face with her hands before depending the kiss. Her hands are hard and rough from decades of painting, but the treat Heloise checks like they resemble the finest cloth in Europe. She almost wishes her father was still alive (and a different sort of person) so that he could know she learnt his lessons about loving someone with absolute devotion. 

"Every moment I spent with you is worth remembering, even as we enter our last years. How could any sight of you be disappointing when I never expected to see you again?" Marianne asks her voice unexpectedly seriously. 

"The two bravest things I have done in my life is letting you leave, which paves the way for my son. The second thing is asking Sophie to make the overture for Stefano's painting. 

"Our reward for such acts of courage is spending glorious moments together even if they are over far too soon. We will not be in our cycle of seasons forever, Darling."

Marianne can tell that Heloise does not believe her at least not entirely. Where she has freedom as the artist with many wealthy patrons and devoted students, her lover snatches happiness between her studies as noblewomen and wealthy widow with interest in the arts. There were no expectations beyond the vows to stay together in some way. 


End file.
